Ngidiimwan (Parents/Caregivers)

…the bond between children and parents is sacred and needs to be fostered and protected. When you have children, you have the responsibility to raise them. Grandmas are parenting their grandchildren by themselves which is not a substitute for parenting. We want to reach the parents, because we are concerned that parents are struggling with too many distractions like work, social media, or substance use to be present for the children - Gookmisag miinwaa Zigosag (Grandmas and Aunties) of Sagamok

This statement speaks to the importance of parents engaging in bigidnigeng or healing so they can be completely present for their children. Maintaining a connection to children is central to both a parent’s and child’s wellbeing. This also speaks to the importance of maintaining connections between parents and children even when parents may not be able to take on all of the responsibilities necessary to raise their children.

Parenting begins even before a child is conceived with learning to be a parent begins when you start on your physical journey in the womb. All the experiences you gain during this journey teaches you how to parent. Children learn how to parent by watching how their parents interact with them. These teachings help prepare younger women and men for eventually becoming parents. After pregnancy, a woman and her partner would receive “teachings on how to care for themselves and their children from the women in their families and community Elders. These Grandmother Teachings pass on traditional information about prenatal child development. Parents learn that their child is always growing, developing, and learning, even before birth.

In the past, women were subject to many pregnancy protocols which “had to do with protecting and enhancing the emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical health of the child. The vigilance that a pregnant woman was expected to observe during pregnancy was part of the training and discipline that both she and her baby would need to live a long and healthy life.

In some Anishinaabe communities, men were also subject to certain protocols such as restrictions on their hunting. The regulations around hunting were based on an understanding that the partner of an expectant mother was carrying life and so another life could not be taken.  

The story of Thunderbirds and Fireflies illustrates how disharmony within a family unit, even disharmony that occurs before a child is born, can lead to intergenerational dysfunction and harm. In this story, the male thunderbirds cause a great and terrifying thunderstorm by behaving irresponsibly.

The females were very upset and rumbled and squawked among themselves. They simply could not leave the eggs they were sitting on. At last, however, their loud and urgent calls brought the males back to the nests. There the females stroked their mates ruffled wing feathers until the males were quiet and calm again.

Perhaps it was the thunderstorm that caused the young to hatch early that year, and a noisier, rowdier group of nestlings had never been seen. They clambered over one another, chirping in high and noisy bumps of thunder. They demanded food, food, and more food. Their worried parents flew back and forth, back and forth, to bring the nestlings all the food they wanted.

Parents are also responsible for teaching and modeling healthy behaviours with the support of their extended families and communities. 

Parents and extended family members teach by modeling, a “do as I do” philosophy rather than a “do as I say” mentality. There is a strong belief that if children are treated harshly, they will treat others harshly. If children are subjected to authoritarian parenting styles, they will in turn be authoritarian leaders. If paternalistic violence surrounds a child, she will behave in paternalistic and violence ways when she is an adult. Modeling like other tenets of Nishnaabeg parenting, takes time to work, but in the long term has proven to be highly effective.

In the past, mothers looked after younger children while fathers guided them through their later years. As one Sagamok Elder describes, the mother looked after the children for the first seven years to teach the child. Then, the father takes over for the next seven years. Anishinaabe parenting was rooted in attachment, following children through their stages of development, with empathy, patience, unconditional love, mutual respect, and freedom of choice. 

Parents are responsible for raising their children up to be good humans in the world. According to a participant in the Sagamok Anishnawbek Community Story, in the past, the Seven Grandfather Teachings were a guide for everyday life. Parents realized that they needed to take their responsibility as role models for their children seriously.  This teaching role includes raising children to be the community leaders needed and wanted in the future.